Psychologist: Make room for a child to come to the family in case of problems, no matter what age he/she is
ABC Interview’s guest was Anna Velitsyan, founder of Parenting School Armenia. We talked with Anna about child-parent relations, parenting and the problems that people often face in this field these days. We also talked about the problems at the school. According to the psychologist, not a single psychologist but a group of psychologists should work at the school.
– What problems do you think are the most serious in the school today, and don’t you think parent-school relations do not need special attention?
– The school needs to make a strategic decision that the parent belongs to it, and it should use that parent’s resources. And the parent, on the other hand, should realize that the school is not a hairdresser’s, where she should go, place an order and come back, saying, “I gave you my child, so raise him/her. I am leaving; you give him/her knowledge and life skills, and give him/her back to me; I have nothing to do, I gave my child to you.”
– Do teachers undergo a psychological test before starting work at the school? I think this is a case where, in addition to professional skills, pedagogical skills and a strong mindset are also needed.
– I don’t know a single person (if there is one, let someone respond) who doesn’t need a psychologist. I don’t know such a person.
– Do psychologists go to psychologists?
– Of course… Psychologists have psychologists. It is, of course, a separate topic and very important. I must note that I am on the side of teachers, because a teacher is given a not very high salary, 35 children and 40 minutes, and should do everything so that those 35 sit in a disciplined manner and master the lesson. I think it’s a titanic job, and these people just need support. They need to be loved and respected; they need to be given money so that they can support a family and a psychologist.
– What can you say about the rate of attendance at psychologists? Has there been an increase compared to previous years?
– I have been working in this sphere for more than 20 years. Twenty years ago, children were brought to the psychological clinic almost with their faces covered. Since ours was a psychological and psychiatric center, we also filled out cards. Many refused to even say the child’s name. Often, this was done in secret, sometimes from grandparents and others. Today, we are not even close to that situation, and that is just happiness for both me and the psychologists.
– Can psychologists do serious harm, and do you often come across such cases in your practice?
– Yes, they can. People make a second, even a third, attempt to change their psychologists. They come already traumatized, with a negative experience. That is why, before dealing with people’s souls, it is very important that they get well first and undergo their own therapy. But you know, it’s normal to change your psychologist; we change doctors as well, so it’s normal that you can go to one or two psychologists until you find the psychologist close to your heart.
– When parents come to you with a problem with their children and it turns out that the problem is more with them, do they accept that fact easily?
– I have to say something honestly now. Children don’t have problems, it is parents who have problems. The child is our mirror, or the child is just a child; he/she is inexperienced, he does not know what to do if he/she is angry; he/she has no idea what that emotion is. Parents have a lack of basic skills to communicate with the child, and they also have a great problem of listening to their children. We need a simple thing: to sit and listen to the children.
– You seem to have found a solution. You noted on your page that the solution is to eliminate ignorance.
– Yes, we have no other choice… Before the economy and the army, which are very important, we need to solve the issue of education. If we want to solve the rest, we must first educate children. And it’s not about knowledge; it’s about values; it’s about patriotism; it’s about universal values. A child is born into a family, his foundations are there—not in the school, not in the yard. That’s why, at the parenting school, we constantly tell parents to make room for a child to come to the family in case of problems, no matter what age he/she is. One should have a place to go, and that place is the family, whether the child is five or 50 years old.
Interview by Lena Gevorgyan
